Am I in an emotionally abusive relationship?
Many women I work with don’t come into therapy saying, “I’ve been in an abusive relationship.”
Instead, they say things like:
“I feel confused.”
“I feel like everything is my fault.”
“I don’t feel like myself anymore.”
If you’ve been asking yourself whether something isn’t right in your relationship, it might be worth gently paying attention to that feeling.
What is emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse isn’t always obvious. It doesn’t always involve shouting or physical violence.
It can be subtle, gradual, and difficult to name.
It often involves patterns such as:
- Being criticised or made to feel “not good enough”
- Having your feelings dismissed or minimised
- Being blamed for things that aren’t your fault
- Feeling like you’re “walking on eggshells”
- Over time, this can affect how you see yourself.
What is coercive control?
Coercive control is a form of emotional abuse where one person tries to control the other.
This might include:
- Isolating you from friends or family
- Monitoring what you do
- Making you doubt your own memory or reality
- Making decisions for you
It can leave you feeling confused, anxious, and unsure of yourself.
Why is it so hard to recognise?
Many women question themselves instead of the relationship.
You might think:
- “Maybe I’m overreacting”
- “It’s not that bad”
- “It’s my fault”
This self-doubt is often part of the impact of the relationship itself.
How you might be feeling
If you’re in (or have been in) an emotionally abusive relationship, you might feel:
- Anxious or on edge
- Drained or overwhelmed
- Unsure of yourself
- Disconnected from who you used to be
You don’t have to figure it out alone
If you’re questioning your relationship, that in itself is important.
You don’t need to have all the answers right now.
Talking things through in a safe, supportive space can help you begin to understand what you’ve been experiencing—at your own pace.